Monday, June 17, 2013

Just think about it..

It has been more than a year since I got married. Over the past year, my husband and I have heard some interesting comments from people of all ages. Most often, we end up irritated. Here are some of them. I encourage you to give it a thought too.

1)  To my husband: "now that you are married, you probably get hot breakfast every morning."
I love cooking for my husband and my husband also feels the same way about cooking for me, but one should not assume that my job/moral responsibility is to serve him hot breakfast in the morning. My husband knows how to cook and if he is hungry he is perfectly capable of cooking and eating himself. Just because he has a wife, one should not assume that he has the license to stop being in charge of food. Both the husband and wife are equally responsible to cook and eat healthy.

8/10 people I have met after we got married have asked me this question in our first meeting - "Do you know how to cook?". The same people ask my husband - "How is work?". Why don't you ask my husband about cooking and ask me about my job?

2) To my husband: “You wash vessels and also cook!? You are so helpful and understanding"
When I do the above, I never receive any such compliments. When I do the same work, am I not being helpful and understanding? Why are some people assuming that it is something I should do by default? Aren't we equally responsible to run the home?

3) To my husband: "You are so open minded. You are letting your wife study after marriage also"
I was truly horrified when I heard this. Seriously? “Letting you wife” - Seriously? My husband is not my boss and I am not under his control. I am an independent being who has the right to take decisions.

Also, my husband is quitting his full time job to pursue doctoral studies. Nobody has complimented me so far!! I am also giving up a comfortable life so he can pursue what he is passionate about. We are going to have a lot less money than we used to for the next few years. Just because I am a woman, even educated people talk as if it is my duty to abide by his decisions. One should not assume that it is the wife's duty to sacrifice everything. Whether the wife chooses to do it or not is her personal choice and nobody has the right to judge her. Everyone must keep this in mind - It is both the husband and the wife's responsibility to be supportive of each others decisions; they are not doing each other a favor by being supportive!

4) To me: "What have you cooked for dinner?"
Whenever people come over for dinner, they always ask me this question. My husband and I cook together and nobody asks him. Why do people assume that it is my job to cook dinner and serve? I have always seen that women come into the kitchen to help set the table and the men just sit and talk - they just assume all the kitchen related work is a woman's job. Even in big corporate companies when lunch is ordered, it is always the women who go and set the table and serve the food. At times, when few women choose not to do it, the men look at them questioningly as if their raising eyebrows is a sign for them to go and serve food!!

I always request our guests to help us with setting and clearing the dinner table. Yes, my husband and I love to cook for them and we like to be good hosts, but I would also like to spend time with all of them. I would like to participate in the laughter and discussions, and not just be a silent observer.

A sincere request to all who are reading this post - Whether you are a man or a woman, a young boy or a girl, when someone makes such comments, please do correct him/her. It horrifies me further more, when I see people of my generation talk/act like this. You don't have to advise them or scold them or shun them. You could just make them aware they are being insensitive. The least you could do is make them think about it.


  1. Lovely! It happens all the time. And people assume so many other things too. For instance, if you genuinely dislike sweets and say you wont have them, everyone jumps into conclusion that you are 'dieting'. For someone like me who has never believed in 'dieting', its so annoying to give explanations to everyone!

    1. Yes, that happens with me too and it is really annoying.